COUPLE QUESTIONS?
November 1, 2024
Once again, I am going to show my ass as I attempt to gain wisdom and insight on topics that most people won’t talk about and few teach. At the invitation and urging of my friends at the organization “Focus on the Family,” I attended a Focus on the Family couple’s retreat. My typical comment when I’m invited to an event of this nature is “I don’t want to go to some fancy place with a bunch of rich people and sit around and chit chat.” The standard response is usually something like, “I really think you and Barbara would enjoy it.” I normally don’t attend these functions, but this time I took the plunge and went, seeking wisdom and ways to be a better person.
Over the years I often wonder why some couples change and grow together over the different seasons of life and some don’t. Some couples I know are simply roommates or housemates and some are blessed to be healthy couples. I don’t recall ever going to a class or my parents giving me much guidance on how to foster a healthy relationship with my wife. I don’t claim to be a marriage expert since l have only been married twice. Early in life I got married and my wife ran off with my best friend and employee. I was devastated at the time, but looking back I got the better end of the deal because I met Barbara!
I have learned over time that we grow the most in the valleys or low points of our lives. Have you noticed that plants grow best in valleys? If not for our walks through the valleys of life, we would not grow to our potential.
One of the speakers at our retreat was the famous author of over forty books, Dr. Gary Chapman. What a blessing to hear this truly wise man talk and to talk with him about servant leadership and my mission of service to God, Country and Family! I highly recommend his books if you are seeking ways to improve your relationships at work or at home. His books are fully supported by factual and measurable research combined with scripture.
To name a few:
The 5 Love Languages
The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace
One More Try
The 4 Seasons of Marriage
The Love Languages of God
The Five Languages of Apology
When Sorry Isn’t Enough
The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted
Love as a Way of life
A Couple’s Guide to a Growing Marriage
Everybody Wins
How to Really Love Your Adult Child
Regardless of the season your relationship is in, you must not forget what brought you together and rekindle those things. If the “fire” went out, look for the “coals” and rekindle them. Couples should strive to always be working together, shoulder to shoulder, and avoid “face to face” heated moments as we focus on our challenges.
I really liked learning about the language of apology. Different people seek different things from apologies. When someone apologizes and it seems genuine, it’s best to forgive and not judge. It is profound for me to know that forgiveness restores relationships, not apologies. We need to understand the word forgiveness and the approach to forgiveness. It is important to know that forgiveness does not change memories, remove painful emotions or consequences or rebuild trust and does not always result in reconciliation.
According to Dr. Chapman, “If every couple made the commitment to listen to each other and resolve their differences, to be supportive of each other no matter what happens and to continue growing by attending marriage enrichment events and reading books on marriage, we would see a radical change in the marriages of this generation.” Based on my review of many of his books, this man does have easy to understand methods to improve all of our relationships.
Roommate, housemate or healthy couple? For me, my continual goal is to foster healthy relationships in all aspects of my life. I wish that I had run across Dr. Chapman’s books earlier in life to help me reach this goal. For all of us, the execution is solely up to us! If you or someone you know is struggling with a relationship, I highly recommend that you look at the Focus on the Family website and review Dr. Chapman’s books. They are easy to read and understand! Know that I am praying for you! After almost forty years of marriage I’m still trying to be a better husband to “Saint Barbara,” a better father to our children and a better friend, mentor and employer, with God’s help!
Written by KING AEROSPACE Founder, Jerry Allan King-Echevarria.